“Was it everything you hoped for?”
I’m going to be honest here. I honestly didn’t know what I “hoped for” when moving here. Well, that’s not entirely true. I hoped for a safe flight and a wonderful time spent traveling and building a new life with my [then] new husband, in which I would be able to save up money for our future back in the U.S. I had the feeling that, yes, I was supposed to come here, and the original plan was to stay here two years, but now Jeremy’s been here for almost five years and I’ve been here for three. Not quite what we expected, but I can’t say it hasn’t been what I hoped for.
I’ve actually been giving this a lot of thought lately. I have come to the realization over the past year and a half or so that I didn’t have any specific goals in mind except to save money. I thought I would pick up more of the language as time went on, maybe take some classes, but life happens, and bad jobs happen, and let’s just say we’ve finally able to begin saving money over these past few months. Before reaching this point, though, there were some bad times, and one of the problems is that when you are doing something just for the money, and that’s your only goal, well, then, “Houston, we have a problem.” (Pardon the old quote.) It’s been hard to find things that fill that longing in my soul, the things that make me feel complete. But in the end, I’m glad I was able to start here because I have grown a lot since being here. I’ve learned to better accept rejection. I’ve grown closer to God because of all of my down time. I’ve learned that there are some things I can do, even with limited communicative abilities, and I’ve learned what I want to do once I returned home. That’s more than I could have hoped for, especially since coming here unaware of the things I would be missing back home can sometimes take over my mind and overshadow the good things. When I left the states, I was open to all possibilities, and sometimes that was good, but it also sometimes left me feeling empty and confused.
But despite all of this, one of the things that I can tell you is what I’ve learned and what I now hope for in the future, upon returning back to the states. I hope to follow through on my dreams and succeed (despite whatever rejection or however many failures I may encounter first). I hope to travel more – in a way that really allows me to enjoy it. (Sometimes here there is just never enough vacation time… lol) I hope for a loving life and family that is supportive and happy. I hope to find every opportunity to celebrate and enjoy life. I hope to become involved in “extracurriculars” again. I hope to spend as much time as possible with friends and people I love, and I hope that all of my decisions are in line with the will of God.
I really don’t regret my life here, and I will remember it fondly, but there are times when I wish that I would have thought more about what I really wanted out of all of this because some days I can’t help but wonder if I’m “doing it right.” But I have hope for the future, and I am looking forward to the next step.
Thank you for all your questions! They’ve really made me think, and have gotten me through the summer. This is the end of What You Want to Know (for now), and starting next month, I’m planning on doing something a little bit different, but all based on things I thought of while answering your questions. Thank you; you’ve been a great help! 🙂